Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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