Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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