You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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