PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
