your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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