I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
