piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
