I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
