I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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