I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Jerry, you need to find god
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize