This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
