I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
