it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
