Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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