That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize