hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
