About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
