I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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