Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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