don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
