Kiss
Puke
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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