This girl is more easily done than said...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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