It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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