like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
