I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
