Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
