apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
