I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
