are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
