and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
