I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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