I must be too annoying 4 u.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
