I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
