So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize