I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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