Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
