I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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