Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
