He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
