I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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