Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
