I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
