No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
