I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
