Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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