My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
