You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
