ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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