dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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