I wish my penis had an off switch
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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