and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
