Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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