All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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