My cat gives me a boner
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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