So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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