So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
