Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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