I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize