He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
