I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
