dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
