Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
