I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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