I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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