All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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