the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
