Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
