"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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