If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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