I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize