I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
