my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
