Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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