Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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