these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
