I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
