AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
