as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize