Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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