You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
3 2 1 whiskey
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
