i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
