Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need a beard to bite.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
