Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
