fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
