You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
