I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
