dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
