I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can tuck mytits in my pants
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
