IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
