i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We're too hungover to prance.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
