Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
