Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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